Who's in Castle Oblivion
by Little Miss Dragmire
Summary: Based on the classic Abbot and Costello sketch. The Organization has three new members, but they're each stationed on a different world, and their unusual names are a cause of confusion. Origianlly an idea for a cosplay skit.


Who's in Castle Oblivion

By Little Miss Dragmire

_Note:_ This fanfic was originally written in script format (some people told me that script format is frowned upon on this site, so I changed it) and I thought it would make a good cosplay skit, but I'd never be able to get it performed. So instead I thought I'd post it as a fanfic! Oh, and this was originally written before 358/2 Days came out, so there will be no mention of Xion. Well, here goes!

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the original "Who's on First" skit. Those belong to Disney/Square Enix and Abbot and Costello, respectively.

It was a typical day in the World that Never Was. Kingdom Hearts was shining, the Creepers were… creeping, and Organization XIII was having a meeting Where Nothing Gathers.

"And that," said Xemnas, wrapping up a rather longwinded speech, "is why we no longer have a food processor. Next order of business. I am proud to announce that this Organization has gained three new members." There was a brief moment of golf-audience-like applause.

"That's great and all," said the Organization's Number VIII, Axel, leaning sideways in his chair, "but… where are they?" Xemnas turned his head to look at Axel. "I was getting to that," he said, "Each member has asked to be placed on a different world for now, and I obliged. Who is in Castle Oblivion…"

He was interrupted by Marluxia, the Organization's Number XI, who had just woken up from a nice daydream where his plan had succeeded, saying, "That would be me, Larxene, Axel, Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion."

"I was not asking 'who's in Castle Oblivion?'" Xemnas said more coldly than usual, "I was telling you, 'Who's in Castle Oblivion.'"

"He just told you who's in Castle Oblivion," protested Axel, confused. Xemnas shook his head, "No, I just told _you_ Who's in Castle Oblivion. Now it was Marluxia's turn to shake his head, "You just asked."

"The name is Who," said Saïx, Xemnas's right hand, calmly in an attempt to clear things up.

"Oh," said Axel, sort of understanding, while Marluxia still looked confused.

"Right," said Xemnas, getting back to business, Who is in Castle Oblivion, What is in Hollow Bastion…"

"Who?" asked Roxas, the newest member. Axel shook his head, "No," he said, "he's in Castle Oblivion.

"She." Xemnas corrected. Roxas tilted his head to the side, confused, and asked, "Wait, who's a she?"

"Yes," Saïx answered.

"Then what's What?" Luxord asked, shuffling his cards.

"What?" Roxas was clearly still confused.

"Yes, What," Luxord responded. Xemnas looked over toward Luxord and said simply, "What is male." Axel sat bolt upright and yelled, "The opposite of female!" Xemnas facepalmed and said calmly, "Thank you Axel, I think we all knew that."

"I'm not so sure about…" Axel began, but before he could finish his statement, Xaldin asked, "Just to get this out of the way, what is the gender of our third new member?"

"I Don't Know?" Xemnas asked, as a way of a confirmation, but before he could answer the question, Axel decided to have some fun.

"So we have another Marluxia?" he asked. The Graceful Assassin, who was getting sick of this, snapped, "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm…"

"I Don't Know is male," Xemnas calmly, cutting off Marluxia's retort and causing Axel to yell, "Aw man!" in disappointment.

"Exactly," said Saïx, deliberately misinterpreting Axel's exclamation.

"What?" asked Roxas, who had completely lost track of what was going on.

"Him too." Saïx was really getting sick of this meeting. Xaldin, however, seemed to want to keep going, because he asked, "Well, where is I Don't Know?"

Xemnas shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yes," said Xaldin, "him. Where is he?"

"I don't know where I Don't Know is." Roxas, who had spent the time since his last question trying to figure out what was going on, asked, "What?" Axel shook his head. "What's in Hollow Bastion."

Luxord, who was still nearly confused as Roxas, misunderstood Axel's response amd said, "Well, there's a couple thousand Heartless, the Restoration Committee of course, and I heard Sephiroth's…"

"No!" shouted Saïx, who was now dangerously close to going berserk.

"Sephiroth's not in Hollow Bastion?" Luxord asked, a but nervously. Xemnas shook his head. "No. What is."

"Huh?"

"No, What."

Marluxia threw up his hands in frustration, then took a deep breath and said as calmly as he could, "Alright, let me get this straight…"

"Kinda hard for you to get anything 'straight,' eh, Marly?"

"I am choosing to ignore that remark, Axel. So, if I used a Corridor of Darkness to go to Castle Oblivion right now, I'd find Who?" Xemnas nodded.

"And if I went from there to Hollow Bastion, I would be able to locate What?" Another nod.

"And I Don't Know's location is unknown, correct?" This time, Saïx was the one to nod and say, "Yes." Marluxia smiled, "I have no idea what I just said." Larxene facepalmed, then asked, "Can we just drop this subject until the new members come here for a meeting?"

"You have to make it a movement," said Saïx, who, ever since a certain incident that had left three chairs dead and two injured, was trying very hard to make Organization meetings more ordered.

"Fine," spat Larxene, "I move that we do not discuss the new members until they report to The World that Never Was for a meeting."

"I second the motion!" Marluxia yelled, eager to get out of there and back to Castle Oblivion, where things made sense.

"All in favor?" Saïx asked.

"Aye!" Thirteen Nobodies had never sounded so loud.

"All opposed?" There was silence. Somewhere, a cricket chirped.

Xemnas observed his underlings before saying, "In that case, this meeting is adjourned."

As soon as he said that, everyone left Where Nothing Gathers except one Nobody. Demyx, the Organization's Number IX, who had been silent the entire meeting, sat in his seat for a moment before yelling, "Oh, I get it! That's their _names_!"


End file.
